Does your car have a name? Mine usually do. Cars are important to me – they symbolize freedom and loud music, time to think and time to talk, and so much more. Whether it’s writer’s block or depression or a baby who refuses to nap, for me the answer can often be found in a long drive.
My very first and favorite car was a 1981 Datsun 510 named Riff Raff (affectionately and aptly named by my friend Flea after the surly butler in The Rocky Horror Picture Show). Riffy was a stick-shift with stained seats and a sunroof that had three positions: (1) closed, (2) open by two inches, and (3) sitting in the passenger seat. I went through four alternators in as many years with Riffy, and when we installed a CD player in it one year, I had to change a fuse out every few hours to keep the music and lights on. He took me to my first job at McDonald’s and to college at UGA. I loved that car.
Alas, not all first loves can last forever. Since Riff Raff, I’ve had a black Acura Integra coupe (named ‘The Blackura’ by a guy I worked with), a Ford Focus wagon that never felt quite right in my hands and ended up choosing my ex-husband in the divorce, a bright blue Honda Civic inadvertently named ‘Ave’ by a very drunk bar patron who was hitting on my friend Jeff, and the Subaru Outback now driven by Hubs. Originally that one was called Ruby the Subie, but now it’s been shortened to just plain Subie. Not super creative for such a great car, I know: I was pregnant with Monkey when we bought it — we were already struggling to name the baby, we couldn’t spare too much energy naming the car.
These days, my vehicle of choice is all about my motherly servitude status – a 2011 Toyota Sienna. It carts us to preschool and karate and birthday parties and Publix. It also, somewhat incongruously, takes me to business meetings and writing group. We try not to take it out for date night, but occasionally it happens. To be honest, I never thought I would be a minivan mom. I’ve always prided myself on being a little different, maybe even a little funky for a pasty chunk of a white girl. So the idea of finding myself in the grocery store parking lot, wondering which of the twelve gray minivans is mine… well, it wasn’t appealing. (PS – The first time that happened for real, I almost cried.)
So getting the van was a major concession to practicality, during which I had to leave my ego at the door. Well, the dual, automatic sliding doors and touch-button rear liftgate. They are pretty damn sweet, I must say. Yes, I admit it, now that I’ve traded in what little street cred I might have had for convenience, you’d be hard pressed to pry the keys to my minivan out of my hands. It drives like a luxury sedan, the speakers are actually decent, and there’s Just. So. Much. Room. You won’t believe the crap I can haul around in that thing for days and weeks at a time, without even thinking about it. There could be a colony of bats living in the back and we wouldn’t notice until we actually had to squeeze in the 8-passenger capacity.
For all its features, though, the Sienna is missing one important thing: a name. This is where I need your help. My cars have always been best loved by me, but best named by others. So please, friends, will you put your minivan name suggestions in the comments? I will choose the winning name on Monday, March 10th, and the winner will get… I don’t know, something cool. Maybe one of those pine tree air fresheners.
Here are some parameters for you: I think the van is female (no stick, duh), but I will consider androgynous or unisex names as well. Innuendo is fine, but no actual profanity or offensive language. This is the name for our family minivan – my kids must be able to say it without getting a note sent home from school. A name can be awesome on its own merits, but I’d be interested in any background you have to support your case. I love literary references, song lyrics, etc. The van is sort of a steely gray and usually very, very dirty. It’s full of cheerios, stale goldfish, baby wipes, hot wheels cars, books, crayons and various detritus. I have two boys. We’re Jewish. We’re into pirates and baseball. We live in a place called Roswell, Georgia. You can take all or none of this into account.
If you read my blog via facebook or email, please visit the original post to comment so the names will all be in one place. If you like a suggestion someone else has made, please ‘vote’ for it by replying to their comment. I don’t promise to go with the crowd’s decision, but I will take your votes into consideration. Everyone who comments or votes by reply to another comment will get thrown into a hat for some sort of vaguely cool March prize I haven’t picked out yet. And… go!
[Update August 2018: My beautiful Vaneschewitz, sadly, was totaled in an accident in May of this year. I have a new car, RUBY the RAV4, who I love, but I miss my unassuming, faithful minivan every day. I still love reading the comments on this post as you guys search and suggest names for your own vehicles. Keep ’em coming!]
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The Diva
That fits! She has to have everything just so. I have to keep her full of gas, she requires a ‘special key’ just to get going. Divas!
Bucky Vanderpool
Cute, cute!
A couple of suggestions:
~ Van (or Von) Pullen (like Van Halen – except different, plus it is a music reference)
~ Vanischewitz
~ Vanderlust
~ eVANder
Oh, nice. I like Vanishewitz. 🙂
Lol my son’s name is evander
By the way, if you Travoltify the name “Gray Minivan,” you get “Guy Mozaleen.”
http://www.slate.com/articles/arts/low_concept/2014/03/john_travolta_called_idina_menzel_adele_dazeem_what_s_your_travolta_name.html
My possibly inappropriate suggestion: the Silver Bullet. Could tie in to Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band, if you feel the need to! Of course, having your kid say something about silver bullets in public could lead to some VERY interesting outcomes!
I love inappropriate suggestions! I can hear it now. “Mommy’s in a bad mood because she couldn’t find the silver bullet at the mall…”
The Mothership. (Living in a place called Roswell clinched it.)
BTW, Faith, I once had a car I called the Silver Bullet. She was a sassy little Honda CRX. Gods, I loved that car!)
And yes, MJ. I name all my cars. From Ruggles (who I always imagined had an English butler’s voice) to Toots Sweet, to my current love, a bright blue Altima named Bop. I name my computers, too.
I really like The Mothership, Sally!
Every car I’ve ever had has been named for a character from Star Wars. This happened because my first car was named Darth Vader long before I inherited it–it was a navy station wagon with a scary grill on the front and a “sports muffler”–that sounded rather like it’s namesake. I’ve since had Ben (aka Obi-Wan), and my current Rav4 is Leia, because of the tire (bun) on the back.
For your names: I like the Mothership. Another (tongue-in-cheek) option: the Silver Shadow. Since it is nothing like the sleek Rolls Royce beauty.
Well I’m always up for a little tongue-in-cheek!
Or, if I wanted to shamelessly piggyback on your tradition, the Millennium Falcon’s not a bad thought either…
I’m starting to think it’s a special breed of person who feels the need to name every car they own. Is this the only inanimate object we traditionally name?
I don’t have nicknames for my laptops and pens (though in the former case I probably should – I spend more time with the laptop than any family member). I don’t pat the clock and say “How’s it going, Bert?” when I pass by. I’ve never heard anyone rummaging in their purse for their phone say, “Now where the hell is George?” 😉
I name my computers, too, although there isn’t really a tradition there, so I can’t remember them all. Current one is Shiva, and previous one was Wolfgang. And when Erik and I have tried cleaning robots (which have yet to survive our harsh treatment for long), the Roomba was named Rosie (from the Jetsons), and the pool cleaner was Agador Spartacus, the pool boy from the Birdcage.
I almost fell out of my chair laughing about Agador Spartacus the pool robot!
I always name my cars, too (current vehicle is Beatrice. I’ve had Elvis, Agnes, and Marty, too.). But I do also name some other inanimate objects. My computer & iPod both have names.
I once worked with a woman who called her van VANessa (always written like that). That’s about the best I’ve got…a stolen suggestion. 🙂 (I suppose you could Georgia-ize the idea and go with SaVANnah?)
Joan of Park? Maybe I should just quit while I’m ahead…
There’s always Queen Anne’s Revenge for the pirate fans.
I do like Sally’s suggestion of “The Mothership”…
Joan of Park is pretty funny, Jennifer! Though I hope she won’t be burned at the stake for treason and/or witchcraft… There is something sort of rebelliously lovely about that, though. Definitely in the running!
Hmm… Maybe Queen Mommy’s Revenge? I like that, too. It would probably get shortened to Queenie eventually, which is pretty cute.
I am looking to name my newly acquired VW Routan and enjoyed your post and responses, I currently have a Volvo wagon named “Helga” and a Honda Odyssey named “Homer” nothing has jumped at me yet, some one suggested Rudy or mystery machine….
Hmmmm… Did you want to stick with the names that start with ‘H’? Maybe Hans or Hansel since it’s a German car??
I always name my vehicles too!! We’ve had Tia the Kia(Kia van)
smurfette(bright blue Chrysler 200)
Louie the liberty(Jeep liberty)
But now we just bought a new Chrysler town and country van and we are trying to name it but the kiddos can’t agree lol
My son wants Kirby
But my daughter likes Vanna.
Love reading all the suggestions on this post. We are still undecided!
It’s a big decision! When poor Vaneschewitz was totaled in May, we ended up with Ruby the Red RAV4 (I refuse to give my Alabama friends the satisfaction of calling her crimson). My husband has a Subaru Outback so now we have “Subie” and “Ruby.” LOL
I’m trying to name our black Honda Odyssey. So far all my great names have been rejected by my husband. Here’s my reject list in case someone thinks they’re great and can benefit from my struggle:
Harriet (the Honda)
Charlie
Jack
Vinny (Van Go)
Quincy
Betty
I’m loving Harriet the Honda (plus the fact that she could also be THE SPY) and Vinny Van Go! Good luck with your naming adventures and safe travels!!
Ours was Raven, and I loved her!
Raven is perfect for a black minivan!
I know this is way late but I just had to put what we named our Chevrolet Venture. It’s an older model (1999) but God blessed us with it when the struggle was real and we needed to be able to fit 2 adults and 4 teenagers within the realms of our slim to none extra money at the time. (Bought for $400! Praise God) anyways we were riding in the van all together for the first time and decided to name “her” a lot of different names were thrown around but not that we all agreed on until my husbands shouts “I got it! GOLDIE VÁN” like Goldie Hawn because the van is a golden tan color and instead pronouncing Van the correct way we pronounce it like “Hawn” but with a “V”. so it’s Van with a bit of accent lol. That’s how our old school mini van became known has Goldie Ván! (Goldie Vawn) haha! She been working great with a few touch ups here and there, definitely a priceless blessing for our family in a time of need! 🙂 thanks for allowing me to share! God Bless!
That’s such a great story and what a fabulous name! Maybe there’s a “Kate Hudsedan” in your future as well. 😉
Haha! Actually we just got a “Ván Burgundy” like Ron Burgundy.
Because this mini van is maroon/burgundy lol
That is comedy gold. Or comedy red. 🙂 I like that you’re keeping the Vån thing going!
I named our 1984 F150 truck George. We purchased him brand new. He still runs and has a place of honor in our family.
Nice! Apparently 1984 was a good year for F150s. Well done, George!
I’m so pleased to have stumbled upon this. I’ve had Betty the White Buick and we traded in the silver fox today for our first brand new vehicle. I may steal Vanderlust since the old van broke down 2 of the 3 times we left town without the kids and this new van (pewter odyssey) can take use anywhere without fear.
Awww… Betty the Buick! And Vanderlust is certainly yours for the stealing. 🙂 It sounds like the old van knew who its true and loyal passengers were and broke down when it missed them!
Name my black Nissian quest van unique name