It’s been a while since I’ve written a Jazzercise blog, and I still get comments from Jazzerfriends about this one from a few years back. So, in honor of my upcoming Jazzercise book launch party for SUGAR STREET, I thought it was time for a new entry into my dancerobics chronicles.
If you love Jazzercise like I do, you know that every summer they do some sort of attendance scorecard or bingo game so members can win fun swag like water bottles and beach blankets. Now, y’all: I am a SWAG QUEEN. I love to win it, I love to give it away. And there’s nothing like earning something, is there? Jazzercise swag is always high quality, but TBH I would probably get excited about a cheap promotional pen if you tell me I have to check off boxes to get it. I am THE TARGET MARKET for gamification of any sort.
So, I was a bit bummed that there was no crazy bingo card this summer. Also, that I couldn’t do much Jazzercising these last few months because of whiplash (the condition, not the movie).
In my boredom, I decided to create My Own Version of Jazzercise Bingo. If you’re new to class, need spice things up, or have found yourself shaking your hips to Meghan Trainor and thinking, “Okay, yeah. But how do I WIN at this?”… Manda’s Jazzercise Bingo is for you.
Here are the rules:
- You can start this anytime, and it’s over when you say it is. #girlpower
- You can play to fill up a card, play to BINGO, or just call it a win after you’ve finished reading this blog.
- When you’ve won, you have My Totally Official Permission(TM) to buy the cute workout tank top or water bottle of your choice and tell everyone who will listen that you won it doing a fitness challenge. Decorate it with stickers if you want. I’m easy.
- There is no fourth rule.
Now. Print, draw or vividly imagine a Bingo card. Give yourself an “X” (or a front-cross with a heel-hop) when any of the following occurs during Jazzercise:
- Arrive late, forced to take A Different Spot. Feel off-balance rest of day.
- Sweat so much that it drips down your face and you inhale it back up your nose.
- Have the Ed Sheeran dream again. Wake up nostalgic for nonexistent British country childhood.
- Leave the floor during class, play human Frogger to get back to your spot without getting nailed
- ^^Bonus points if you do the above during a kickboxing routine
- During a Latin song, spend several minutes wondering under what possible circumstances you would need to scrape a bowl or barrel with your hips
- Instructor catches you singing mid-cardio
- Accidentally meet your neighbor when one of you dances the wrong direction.
- Embarrass your kids by showing off your dance moves to their favorite song.
- To the rear with a cheer!
- The more you think about it, the more you feel that you and Beyonce really could be close friends.
- No matter the question, “WOO!” is the answer.
- ^^Space out during intense cardio, miss the cue to “woo” and chime in after everyone else. (Late woo-er).
- Smack self in face with resistance tube. Immediately think, “well at least I got to let go for a second.”
- Hear Pitbull at the grocery store, mambo with your cart down the produce aisle.
- Mutter “kick ball-change ball-change” under your breath whenever frustrated
- Have the Pink dream again. Wake up feeling like a total badass.
- “Accidental solo” (aka, everyone else is facing one way, you’re facing the other)
- Someone mentions JUDI.
- Thighs twitch reflexively when you hear Justin Bieber on the radio. (And not in the fun way.)
- Use double class as excuse to get a double chocolate chunk cookie. It’s all about balance, right?
- Version 1 (9:30 a.m.): Instructor yells, “Hip, hip,” and you yell, “hooray!”
- Version 2 (5:30 a.m.): Instructor yells, “Hip, hip” and you’re like, “I’m here, okay? I don’t have to like it.”
- Get lost in a long, vivid daydream about defending your family’s honor in a high-stakes dance battle.
- Lose balance in a lunge, try to disguise frantic waving arms as graceful ballerina stretch
- Someone tells you how great you look and you’re all, “Jazzercise, bitches!”
- Have the Bruno dream again. Wake up dripping in finesse.
- “Grapevine left” makes you wonder if there is still wine on the counter at home…
What am I missing, fellow Jazzercisers? Or other workout junkies… What would be on your exercise bingo card?
AND…. If you’re in the Atlanta area, please join me for a special Jazzercise Book Launch on Sunday, August 12th 2018 for my latest novel, Sugar Street! (The event is hosted by the lovely and generous Allyson Eman at her home, with delicious cake by Mary Weinstein! I can’t wait!).
See you on the dance floor!!
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