So I was at my favorite coffee shop the other day, waiting outside the single-user women’s restroom with my bag, when a woman emerged in a perfectly reasonable amount of time (perhaps 30 seconds or a minute after I’d originally tried the door and found it occupied). She was in professional dress with a badge of some sort hanging around her neck, so I assume she was either on her lunch break or had a meeting at the coffee shop. And do you know what she said to me as she came out of the bathroom?

“I’m sorry.”

Um, okay. For what? She didn’t pee on the seat or smear poop on the walls or leave a plunger sticking out of the toilet. She wasn’t in there for half an hour doing her hair while I bounced around with my legs crossed outside. As far as I know she didn’t do anything apology-worthy while she was in there. (I might amend that later if a video of me peeing shows up on YouTube, but that’s doubtful.)

Really, this woman was just apologizing for my having to wait for the bathroom, a polite reaction to the surprise of seeing me there when she came out. But, y’all: She was apologizing for using the bathroom. Basically, for taking up space.

Ladies, what the hell is wrong with us?

Why are we constantly APOLOGIZING for totally innocuous behaviors? “I’m sorry I’m not able to take your call,” “I’m sorry for interrupting,” “I’m sorry for needing to be on the other side of you while your loud ass is yammering away to your friend on the phone like there’s no one else in this Target.”

We say “I’m sorry” instead of “excuse me,” or “I didn’t hear you.” We even say it when we mean the opposite. “I’m sorry, but that girl is a bitch.” Or, “I’m sorry, but I’m not going to be roped into heading up the fundraising committee without help again.” Anyone who hears us say that stuff knows we are anything but sorry. We’re saying “I’m sorry” to cover the fact that we are stating an opinion with which others might not agree.

I don’t know about you, but I’d like to work on saving “I’m sorry” for when I have reason to be. And hopefully expecting others to do the same!

MJ Pullen

M.J. Pullen is a distracted writer and the mom of two boys in Roswell, Georgia, where she is absolutely late for something important right now. Her books include quirky romantic comedies and playful women's fiction. She blogs erratically with writing advice, random observations, and reflections on raising very loud kids and dogs. Join her Distracted Readers newsletter list for updates, free content, giveaways and more.