Well, hi there, blog! Come to think of it, hi there, keyboard and written word, while we’re at it…

I have been away for a couple of weeks: away from you, away from my desk, away from my favorite coffee shop and everything else writing related. This wasn’t a formal vacation that included a trip to the beach or a mountain trek, but just a couple of weeks home with my guys — running errands and visiting the museum, doing the preschool birthday party circuit and — in my few spare moments that didn’t involve refereeing light saber battles — doing a little bit of the non-sexy, non-writing part of this job. Also, I’ll admit it. I got a little bit of extra sleep on a couple of days. There. I said it. Take away my overachieving mommy card if you must.

Today my darling Skywalker took his Jedi self to Kindergarten for the first time and Fozzie got to be in the “big kid” classroom at preschool, so I’m blinking back a few tears and transitioning from supermom to keyboard jockey once again.

One of the wonderful paradoxes of motherhood (and maybe even modern personhood) is that no matter where you are or what you’re doing, it’s almost always possible to think that you should be somewhere else, doing something else. Something better or more productive. Even though I made a somewhat conscious choice to step away from writing during this time (or at least gave myself permission to slack off as I went along), I still managed to feel guilty at times that I wasn’t hunched over my computer, keeping up my commitment to myself to write every day, no matter what.

It’s the advice every writer gives other writers, from Anne Lamotte to Jerry Seinfeld. Write every day. Even if it’s just fifteen minutes. They say it will make you a better writer. It’s often said this is the only way to be a better writer. It’s good advice, maybe. Writing every day keeps you connected to your work, your craft, and your story. It keeps your momentum going. But will it make you a better writer or a better person? Eh.

Maybe it’s just my distaste for being bossed around, but I think it’s okay to give yourself some time off from writing (or doing whatever it is you do) on a regular basis. Does a doctor who plays golf on Sundays lose his ability to practice medicine by Monday morning? Do we say to our logistics managers, “Organize something every day, even if it’s just your shoe shelf?”

When we hear “write every day” or “exercise every day,” what we’re really being told is “take this seriously.” Make it a part of your everyday life, something that is a priority, a commitment that you accept without question. To me, there’s something just as vital in being able to put writing away for a bit as there is in being disciplined about its practice. My writing works in fits and starts, which may not be the most efficient way to do things, but I’ve learned to honor the way my brain works.

I need long periods of work and commitment, I need days that I push myself to work even when I don’t feel up to it. I need to face the blank page mercilessly, or go to the gym when I’d rather go to Starbucks. But I also need periods of rest and freedom. I’ve learned I absolutely must take professional down time to focus on being a mom, a reader and a person, or my writing suffers. I’ve found that these periods are fertile soil for new ideas, plot fixes, and understanding things in a different way.

We talk a good bit in our culture about “balance,” but I’m not sure many of us know what balance really means. My version of balance is more like a pinball machine than a see-saw. I’m here, then I’m there, then I’m here again. One minute I’m obsessing about sentence structure and emotional tension, and the next I’m trying to navigate the line at the PTA table at my kid’s school.

A friend of mine recently posted a bit from author Elizabeth Gilbert on the idea of ‘balance’ that I loved. You can find it here, but this was my favorite sentence:

The word BALANCE has tilted dangerously close, I fear, to the word PERFECT — another word that women use as weapons against themselves and each other.

Doesn’t that ring true? It does for me. I am trying to make a conscious effort to seek the kind of balance that leaves me feeling at the end of each day that I did the best I could with that day, and still have the energy to try again tomorrow. Maybe that means I wrote for 15 minutes or three hours or not at all. Maybe I was patient and supportive with my kids, or maybe I was the screaming banshee mom they have nightmares about. Maybe the to-do list was partially done, or it’s even longer than when I started.

It’s okay. I will give myself the grace to try again tomorrow, regardless of today, and I will try to find the kernel of inspiration or learning or satisfaction in today that maybe I missed along the way.

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I’m M.J. (Manda) Pullen, an author and mom in the Atlanta, Georgia area. I blog about writing, publishing, motherhood, health, psychology and whatever else strikes me in the moment.

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My current roster of books includes The Marriage Pact series, a trilogy of funny, semi-realistic Contemporary Romance/Women’s Fiction novels. You can find them for all eBook formats and in paperback here.

MJ Pullen

M.J. Pullen is a distracted writer and the mom of two boys in Roswell, Georgia, where she is absolutely late for something important right now. Her books include quirky romantic comedies and playful women's fiction. She blogs erratically with writing advice, random observations, and reflections on raising very loud kids and dogs. Join her Distracted Readers newsletter list for updates, free content, giveaways and more.